


Life seems to be a nightmare without you

by blublublah



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, fluff at the end, poor junhoe, theyre okay but maybe theyre not, this is after their accident on their way to namhae, tw car accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blublublah/pseuds/blublublah
Summary: They were supposed to have fun in Namhae. This was supposed to be a healing trip for all of them.So why couldn't Junhoe forget what happen?*Or Junhoe gets plagued by nightmares about that one night.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Life seems to be a nightmare without you

**Author's Note:**

> I had a few bad nightmares lately and I decided to deal with them like I always deal with my problems:  
> Let my babies go through the same pain :)
> 
> Also I wrote this partly for the wonderful Kat bc she's always cheering me on, bless you luv
> 
> As always unbetaed and please enjoy!

It was dark. Junhoe couldn’t see a thing. There was something though, a shadow? He tried to move but he was stuck to the ground. 

Rain. He could hear rain, it sounded so far away but at the same time he could clearly hear the pounding on the window. Wait, what window? He tried to blink, if only his eyes would finally get used to the darkness. Some other noise mixed with the rain, it was some sort of song, he couldn’t understand the words but it sounded familiar. Was it foreign maybe?

He shifted and there was a flickering, first above him and suddenly he stared into a blinding light. He stepped back but his body barely moved. A scratch and the song sounded wrong, the rain was too loud and he could see the light as it reflected on a wet spot on the ground. The distorted song continued to play in the background but the rain mixed with thunder and wind and Junhoe realized he was standing in a storm.

Water seemed to run towards him, pooling around his ankles and his feet felt cold but not wet. It smelled like grass, earthy and the air seemed so clear-

The light in front of him flickered out again, the song changed and was getting louder with every passing second. Junhoe tried to run towards the vanishing light source but he couldn’t move against the water. And then-

Then he was back somewhere dark, everything seemed like he looked through milky glass, the storm shaking him to the core but he wasn’t standing in it anymore. He felt safer, it wasn’t dark anymore. A small light flickered behind the milky glass and it was just enough for Junhoe to see and then there was a new noise.

Junhoe wanted to turn and look for something, he didn’t know what but it felt important. He needed to find the source of this noise. It wasn’t just some noise, he realized belatedly. It was a voice, his voice, the one he woke up to, the one he said goodnight to. 

Jinhwan’s voice.

He needed to see him. He needed to see Jinhwan; needed to hear his voice clearer. 

Junhoe felt anxious, something was wrong. The light flickered as the voice faded but his own limps disobeyed him, wouldn’t move as he instructed them to. He was growing restless, the uneasiness rising. He could feel himself getting mad, no, it wasn’t that. He just felt helpless. 

Junhoe needed to see Jinhwan, why couldn’t he just turn to his side? He wanted to see him, he didn’t want to be alone again, he couldn’t be alone again!

The light fizzled out and so did the voice. It was dark again and Junhoe wanted to say something, scream, move, anything but he was stuck. 

Then there was loud crash. He felt sick, like his stomach had flipped. His head hurt and he still couldn’t see. 

A tangy smell filled his senses, it smelt burned and wrong. The song had long stopped but the rain still pounded onto the windows. A new voice cut through the silence, Junhoe knew it but it wasn’t the one from before. It sounded frantic and Junhoe didn’t understand why. 

It smelt like rubber, Junhoe thought, like burnt rubber and again he felt the need to throw up. His whole body hurt and suddenly he felt cold, like really cold. The sounds of the storm came crashing over him and then there was light again. Bright but not as blinding as before. 

He could see, finally he could clearly see the street he was standing on. The wet asphalt and the rain pouring down, the owner of the voice from before. His manager standing close but not ever turning around to look at Junhoe. 

Junhoe still felt uneasy, still felt like something was wrong. Something was missing. His head hurt and exhaustion spread through his body, maybe he needed more sleep.

But there was something missing, he was so sure of it. It felt all wrong. No, someone was missing. Someone. Jinhwan.

*

Junhoe woke up with a pounding heart and cold sweat breaking out on his skin. His breath came in quick hot huffs and he couldn’t see anything. It was so dark. His sleep drunken limps moving far slower than he wanted them to, he finally managed to find his phone next to him, buried in the sheets. 

The bright light hurt his eyes but he couldn’t care less. Not even reading anything on his screen he looked around the room. Nothing seemed familiar and for a moment Junhoe wondered if he was still dreaming. 

Then he remembered the trip. They were on a trip right now. They as in him and the others were in Namhae. He was sharing a room with Chanwoo and he was okay. 

Letting his head drop into the pillow Junhoe sighed. That had been a hell of a dream. Some of the anxious feeling had made it back with him, his heart still running wild, not having quite understood yet that he wasn’t on that damned street anymore, that the storm had passed and that they were safe. That Jinhwan was safe.

Thinking of the older Junhoe felt his heart ache, the fear he felt before shifted into something more of a longing. He still wanted to hear his voice again; next to him, yelling at him, teasing him. Junhoe wanted to see him. Wanted to hold him, to kiss him; he felt his own cheeks burning up, still getting flustered even now. 

Groaning, Junhoe turned around to find the bed empty. It was still dark outside and his phone had informed him that it was just after 5am. He should rest some more. Maybe Chanwoo was just using the restroom. Maybe he got kicked by Junhoe as the older tried to move in his dream and left. Junhoe couldn’t bring himself to care right now.

Opening his chat with Jinhwan he found himself typing out a short message though he never sent it. He didn’t want to risk Jinhwan waking up in case he forgot to mute his phone before falling asleep. 

He would see him later today after all. 

*

Later when Jinhwan had finally joined them and they were all sat around the table, Junhoe couldn’t help but let his gaze wander over to the smaller man seated on the ground. Jinhwan looked as tired as he felt. At least it seemed like, his boyfriend also didn’t have the most restful night.

Jinhwan caught his gaze and send him a small smile, his mouth almost hidden behind the facemask. The mask as well as the oversized shirt just added to Jinhwan’s overall rather sickly appearance and made him look fragile and hurt. Junhoe hated it. He hated that Jinhwan looked like he’d fall over if one of the other boys pushed him too rough. He hated that he himself still felt the aftereffects of that stupid accident. He hated that they couldn’t even get a few days without getting shit thrown into their faces.

Junhoe hated the fact, that not even on this promising fun little trip, they could just enjoy themselves and relax.

Maybe he was seeing things a little too pessimistic but he sure felt cranky. Though for now he would just push these feelings back down. He would try to actually have some fun because it was what an idol had to do when a camera was pointed at him. And maybe because Donghyuk’s laughter was pretty infectious and seeing Chanwoo all agitated over dishwash-duty was ridiculous too.

After their little game had ended and Chanwoo got up to dedicate himself to the dishes, the rest of the boys also scattered around. Junhoe went back to his and Chanwoo’s room, maybe he could catch a quick nap before they’d leave for their next schedule. 

Suddenly he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his middle and a warm body pressing itself against his back. Junhoe smiled and laid his own hands over the small ones on his stomach, he intertwined their fingers and Jinhwan giggled into his back. 

“Did you miss me?” The words were muffled since Jinhwan’s face was mushed into Junhoe’s shirt but the playfulness in his voice still made Junhoe feel a bit lighter. Junhoe groaned as Jinhwan pushed him towards the bed. After Junhoe had flopped onto the bed, Jinhwan eagerly climbed onto his back, Junhoe grunted in displeasure and turned his head so he wouldn’t suffocate. 

“I don’t know one reason why I should have missed you. Also, since when did you get this heavy?” He teased the older, “What’s all this workout talk lately? Has it been all talk no action all this time?”

Jinhwan scoffed, and for a moment Junhoe thought maybe that was a bit too much, already knowing how moody the other could get and damn, he really shouldn’t have said that-

But then hot breath grazed the tip of his ears and he felt the heat of Jinhwan’s body hovering over his. One hand brushing through his hair, almost lovingly before small fingers grabbed a bunch of strands and pulled his head back roughly. 

“I’ll have you know that I’m a very delicate and yet muscular man.” And in any other context Junhoe would have laughed at the ridiculous statement but right now, right here with Jinhwan’s rough voice barely above a whisper sounding so close next to his ear, Junhoe shivered and tried to swallow, his throat suddenly feeling very dry.

Junhoe was about to reply or well try to at least when Jinhwan suddenly sighed and got off his back, instead flopping down next to him, looking at him with a content but tired smile. He closed his eyes and shifted closer to Junhoe. “I missed you, you know?” 

Junhoe nodded, hoping Jinhwan would feel the movement. He wasn’t good at this. The whole talking about what was going on and what one felt. Not sober at least. 

Instead of wording out every little thing he had felt since their accident Junhoe just threw an arm around Jinhwan’s waist, keeping him in place next to him. Jinhwan’s smile grew and Junhoe blushed and hid his face in the other’s hair, pressing a lazy kiss onto the strands. 

Jinhwan hummed and curled up even more, all playfulness gone, replaced by the still evident exhaustion. Junhoe couldn’t blame him, he himself still felt like a truck had run over him. And hadn’t he come here for a quick nap anyways?

But he couldn’t let it go just yet. His troubled mind wouldn’t let him sleep anyways.

“Hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay though?”

Jinhwan moved back a bit, trying to look at Junhoe’s face. “What?”

Junhoe rolled his eyes, annoyed but also a bit embarrassed. 

“Are you feeling okay?”

Jinhwan seemed genuinely confused. “Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?” He didn’t sound very convincing and Junhoe shot him an unimpressed look. 

“Oh come on, Junhoe, give your Hyung some credit. I’m not that fragile. Besides the accident was barely more than a rough bump into that, well, wall.” 

Junhoe raised an eyebrow at that, “Really? ‘Cause just moments ago, I remember someone calling themselves delicate and-“

Jinhwan interrupted him by slapping Junhoe’s arm, he was grinning though and when he leaned up, Junhoe closed the remaining distance between them without much thought.

The kiss was hesitant at first, the younger not fully convinced yet and when Jinhwan actually winced, Junhoe immediately pulled back, frowning.

Jinhwan sighed. “Okay, okay, maybe I’m fine but also my lips aren’t. Don’t worry, hm?” He reached up, small fingers pinching the surly face. “They’re just a bit sore because I bit them pretty hard when we crashed.” Patting Junhoe on his cheek, Jinhwan settled back down. “We’ve gotten through worse soreness than a pair of lips, right?”

Junhoe couldn’t see Jinhwan’s face with how the older had nestled his face into his chest, but he could clearly imagine the smug smirk he was surely wearing right now. 

Junhoe just huffed. His mind slightly eased.

Soon enough Jinhwan had drifted off to sleep, leaving Junhoe alone with his thoughts – though he wasn’t alone, was he?

His thump absently drew little circles where his hand laid on Jinhwan’s waist and he noticed that he did indeed feel a little better than when he woke up hours ago.

Maybe this was exactly what Junhoe needed.

*

Junhoe wanted to scream. He wanted to trash out and hit everything close enough to be hit. He didn’t though. It was dark again, he stood there again. On the empty street. The same distorted song playing again, the rain wrenching him but leaving him completely dry at the same time.

It was dark and only the headlights of their car, which reflected in the large puddles on the ground, mixed with the ashy moon light illuminated the night. Junhoe wanted to sink down to his knees and cry. 

It was embarrassing but he was so exhausted and he hated being stuck here. He hated how powerless he was, how he could do nothing but wait until this awful memory faded, leaving him drained but without pain. Something in his mind stirred. The car.

His legs felt like concrete as he tried to step towards the car which was standing just before him. He could make out a figure, who he couldn’t tell. The person was on their phone and Junhoe tried to call out to them. His words fell on deaf ears though, the other not even glancing back at him. 

Junhoe’s vision shifted and suddenly he was even further away, but everything felt wrong. The street seemed to melt into the hill, everything running together; he couldn’t tell where the sky began or the ground stopped. The song played louder, the scratchy voice almost screaming in his ears as the muddled melody seemed to dwindle into something undeciphered. 

The rain came down harsher than before and the lights in front of him began to swim. The other person almost blended into the night, still talking on the phone, still not noticing Junhoe.

He needed to get to the car. He needed to stop this song and he needed to get to the car. He needed to see what was inside. Something was waiting for him in there. He knew it. Like a moth drawn to the light, he felt a pull urging him to come closer. 

But he was tired. He wanted to get away, wanted to go somewhere else. Without the storm raging above him, without the darkness where lightness indulged him, without the noise somewhere quiet. 

The pull got stronger and Junhoe’s vision shifted again. This time he was standing by the car. Finally, he could look at the other person but somehow, they were gone. He could still hear them talking but he didn’t know where it came from. Something tugged and he moved his attention back to the car.

He opened the door. The song was still blearing but it sounded muffled. The light inside the car was warm and bright, but it didn’t hurt his eyes. The rain seemed far away and it seemed safer inside. Junhoe wanted to get in but he still stood outside. That something he had been longing wasn’t here. 

This was wrong. Everything screamed at him to get inside; he would be safe and sound. But the longer he stood there, the more he realized the pull didn’t come from here. Something, no, someone was calling him. 

“Junhoe”

The voice was familiar and he felt like he had been in the same situation before. The voice seemed so close and yet he couldn’t figure out who it belonged to.

“Junhoe”

Again, it called for him and he looked up, over the car, to the other side of the street.

“Juneya!”

Junhoe felt something pour over him. The realization who was calling him hit him the same time his eyes caught brown eyes staring back at him.

The nickname. These eyes. Even in the darkness surrounding them he could clearly make out who was standing there. Jinhwan.

The storm was raging around them, the light washed out and seemed wrong, and yet Junhoe saw the bright smile, the warm eyes, and the pull got stronger again. 

He smiled back and wanted to say something. Call back to him. Answer him. 

But the mood changed, the smile faded and Jinhwan looked terrified. In a matter of seconds, the older was pale and shaking, trying to reach out to Junhoe, but never moving.

“Juneya!”

A loud crashing noise took over, bright light blinding him and the ground seemed to shake. Junhoe looked away from Jinhwan, towards the light. Something was coming closer, Junhoe realized. Something heavy. A truck. Loud roaring mixed with the pouring rain and that godawful song. Junhoe’s eyes darted back to Jinhwan, who still didn’t move. 

Junhoe was sure he was yelling now, but he couldn’t hear his own voice, nothing reached his ears, nothing but that scratching song and the rain and the truck barreling down the street. 

Their eyes met one last time and then the truck collided with the small body standing on the other side of the car. The brakes screeching, the asphalt too wet to stop right away, the same nasty smell of burnt rubber mixed a tangy something, earthy but wrong. Blood. A silent scream ripped from Junhoe as he crumpled to the ground.

“Goo Junhoe!”

Junhoe woke with a start. Gasping, scrambling to get up, get away, get out. His lungs hurt and something was holding him down, he couldn’t breathe. 

His head hurt and the image of Jinhwan getting hit by that truck was still fresh in his mind. 

Remembering his dream, Junhoe choked, weakly fighting against the hands gripping his arms, holding him down. 

“Calm down.” Junhoe’s head snapped up, staring at the same very person he just watched die. 

“Hey, woah, you look like you saw a ghost.” The same voice, and yet different. “It’s just me. You’re okay.” The same smile, but different.

“Jinhwan” his throat hurt and he coughed, trying again and Jinhwan nodded, warm fingers running through his hair, the other hand on his arm, warm and a steady weight to keep him grounded.

“Fuck, I think I had another nightmare” A bit embarrassed Junhoe looked away, instead looking around the room, remembering again where they were. 

“You think?” The teasing tone didn’t fit the slightly worried grimace on Jinhwan’s face but his Hyung obviously tried to keep the atmosphere light. Junhoe appreciated it. “And what do you mean ‘another’?” 

Junhoe didn’t answer, didn’t trust himself. His mind still not entirely sure if he really was okay, if Jinhwan was really okay. He looked back at his boyfriend, who sat next to him. Still in that oversized shirt, hair a mess, eyes warm and open. Faintly he could pick up the noises of the others just outside of the room.

“You were crying.” Jinhwan’s voice was quiet.

A warm hand cupped his flushing cheek, a thump grazing over the hot skin, wiping away any remaining proof of the panicked tears. 

“I saw you get hit by truck.”

Jinhwan looked genuinely surprised before shaking his head. “I didn’t though. I told you before. I’m okay. Just a bit banged up.” He scooted up while also signaling Junhoe to move down a bit. Rearranging their positions, the older placed Junhoe’s head on his lap, fingers still playing with the black hair. “I’m really fine.” 

“And if I’m not, I’d tell you. But we’re okay. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”

Junhoe hadn’t said anything about his incapability to move, to act, to do something to stop- and yet Jinhwan knew. He knew what really bothered Junhoe and Junhoe would never be able to express his gratitude. 

“You’re okay.” Junhoe’s heart felt lighter, his mind no longer jumbling around, thoughts running over each other. For once he let himself be held, be tucked into Jinhwan’s warmth, letting the older handling things.

They’d leave soon, Junhoe realized, but for now he’d just surrender himself to Jinhwan.

“You know, you’re really just a big baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> Junhoe is a big babie confirmed  
> Also I think we can all use some junhwan fluff rn, the new ikon on ep made me so sad :((
> 
> Please show our boys lots of love and stay safe! 
> 
> Until next time :)  
> xx


End file.
